literature

SorainDash

Deviation Actions

The3javi's avatar
By
Published:
3.2K Views

Literature Text

ok guys/girls, this is my first story period. So any and all "constructive" criticism would be very helpful. On the other hand I hope you enjoy the story. This is going to be a long drawn out story but it gets a little more uhh... lovey? Next chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MLP that's Hasbro's job.

It was a sunny day in Cloudsdale, and Soarin was preparing for the young flyers competition, to which he was a judge. He had heard of a up and coming pony from ponyville that he was interested in seeing. He didn't yet have her name or know what she looked like, but had heard of her dangerous feats of spectacles. After taking his mind off the mare he was hoping to see here, he noticed there was still a little while before the competition, so he thought about going out and taking a look at the old city that was his home town. He got of the cushion he was on and went looking for Spitfire his captain. When he finally found her he called her over. "Hey Spit can I go out for a little walk I'm feeling a little light headed".
"Sure but don't be long we go on in about an hour" Replied the captain. As Saorin started unfurling his wing and took off toward the cloud factory where he used to spend a lot of time as a kid. When he landed he was met by 6 ponies in a weird kind of group. Two Pegasus, two earth ponies, a unicorn  and some kind of unicorn with... butterfly wings. 'Well that different' He though he noticed one of the Pegasus had a rainbow colored mane that he thought looked familiar from some of his scouting expeditions. He quickly  walked away from them and decided to just go back know that there was a strict rule against talking to competitors. Deciding that that was enough of a really short walk he started to head back to the coliseum  just to see that it would start in a few minutes.
"perfect time, that's not common for Saorin" Smirked Spitfire.
"Whatever" He grinned right back at her. He was getting in his starting position for the fly over when he heard the announcer call out their names. Here we go he, and they took off as one did a small trick then shot off to their position near Princess Celestias royal booth.

After 14 or so acts he noticed there had not been one good act other than a colt doing 5 barrel rolls which he didn't find impressive at the least. He was still hoping to catch a glimpse of the rainbow colored mare. Then he noticed the butterfly winged unicorn come out of the curtains along with rainbow mare. He looked at the unicorn fly around gracefully, but he wasn't looking for graceful he was looking for strong, fast, and fluent. As he redirected his attention to the other pony he noticed she was trying all the hardest things she could possible do, when she hit off one of the obstacles he flinched a little knowing that hurt.  To his surprise she got back up and started to gain altitude. He didn't know what she would do know but watching her start to rotate clouds he thought that was very creative till she ran right into a stray cloud make her go flying and the cloud go straight at the princess. This wasn't going as he thought it would so he redirected his attention to the butterfly winged pony as both ponies flew up to the finale. The butterfly winged pony started first by opening her wings and showering the entire coliseum with a brilliant rainbow. But then he knew something was wrong, a little smoke trail was coming off of her wings. Then in less than a second her wings disintegrated into thin air. He saw her start to fly and his brain kicked in telling him to go after the falling Unicorn, with Spitfire and Fleetfoot right behind him he caught up with her quickly. As he got right next to her he felt something hit him in the face hard making him do a 180 to look back up at the sky and the last thing he saw before everything going black was a giant rainbow disc and a BOOM!
The next thing he knew he was feet from the ground being held up by the beautiful mare. Seeing the rest of the three and the unicorn all held by the Pegasus he noticed just how close they all were to their deaths. 'I should thank her after this' he thought, Then he felt him get dropped on the cloud coliseum and looked up to see the rainbow mare talking to her friends again. Then Spitfire walked up to the Pegasus and said "so you're the pony that saved us, we just wanted to say thanks" Then she went into a Fanfilly mode and just started saying
"omygosh omygosh omygosh omygosh omygosh omygosh" while Soarin thought she looked kinda cute like that. Before the princess could talk to her though he silently walked up to her and whispered "whats your name?" she replied " The n..names Rain..Rainbow Dash" Well now that I have a name I wander when the next I'm going to see her is. Then he stepped back as the Princess came over and talked to them and he thought I might be able to talk to her more, but when then he remembered the Gala coming up and started thinking if she would be coming.
Whoo first story ever gettin prepared to be totally humiliated across the internet world. If I get two, (2), zwei, dos, comments I will make a chapter 2
© 2012 - 2024 The3javi
Comments13
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
ParisPonythe77's avatar
wow that's good : C'est superbe !